The Burrito Problem

I made a southwest chicken salad yesterday--some of those prepackaged southwest chicken strips, Mexican cheese, black beans, corn, mixed greens and a spicy ranch dressing I mixed up myself. It was delicious and very filling.

My hunger in the morning is still a little off and prone to nausea from morning sickness so I only eat little bits--but this results in a later ravenous hunger, something which, on the hunger scale, (listed below courtesy of McKenna) you are supposed to avoid, primarily because it leads to quick gobbling and overeating.

I made a burrito out of the left over salad at about 9:30 AM and I was a little too close to the ravenous state to be comfort, having only the smallest half of a small ciabatta roll with a dab of chicken salad on it and two spoonfuls of cottage cheese about 2 hours earlier.

I ate a little more quickly than I should have and though I felt somewhat full after it was over, I immediately felt like I could eat another one. But one thing I sort of knew at an intellectual level but still didn't really OWN as a personal truth, if you will, is that satiety takes a few minutes to show up and I rarely feel it WHILE eating.

I told myself I'd make another one in a half hour if I still felt hungry. Did some laundry and about 8 minutes later found myself not just full but uncomfortably STUFFED. Clearly I only needed about half that burrito. The speed at which I ate and my desperation to feel full immediately caused the delusion that I not only needed the whole burrito but possibly another one. Which is about 200% more food than I actually needed.

My compulsion to keep eating when I do not feel satiety right away is a big problem. I want that full feeling so badly--likely because of a lingering addiction to the biochemical change satiety brings. I'll keep struggling with it. Stopping earlier without feeling deprived that's the goal. I'm not sure why I'm afraid of not getting enough food. I've always had enough. No one took food away from me. I was an only child for 12 years. I think it may be the dieting addiction. The idea that I'm eating this today but I'll have to stop for a really long time tomorrow if I ever want to lose this weight.

I keep telling myself newer positive messages like--I can have this again, later, or tomorrow or next week. I won't feel good if I eat it. It taste better when I don't over eat it.

It's the struggle I have right now. That and being TOO harsh with myself, not eating enough, and becoming really hungry only an hour or so later.

Here is the hunger scale I'm using:

1. Faint from Hunger
2. Ravenous
3. Fairly Hungry
4. Slightly Hungry
5. Neutral
6. Pleasantly Satisfied
7. Full
8. Stuffed
9. Bloated
10. Nauseous

When being too harsh with myself, I'm confusing Neutral with Pleasantly Satisfied. In my eagerness to conquer overeating I may underestimate where I can eat to without entering dangerous territory. If I had ate to Pleasantly Satisfied or Full rather than what may have been Neutral, then I wouldn't have gotten to Ravenous. And then I wouldn't have the opposite Burrito Problem.

1 and 2 and 9 and 10 are to be avoided. Perhaps avoiding THAT and the consequent reminder of being on a DIET and being hungry will prevent the Burrito Problem.